The Great American Wedgie

Fair warning:  This morning’s blog is not for the prudish.  It is hard to give it an adult rating because, well, we seem to not be acting like adults any more.  But some of the topics are now in the national spotlight and could be (and SHOULD BE) too embarrassing to actually discuss in front of our younger kids.  I will give this a PG-14 rating because of some of the content.  If you are under 14 and reading this, ask mom, dad or your legal guardian (covering all my bases here) before you proceed.  So, let’s get on with the show, shall we?…

We have a problem, America.  There are so many wedge issues being introduced into this election year’s cycle that our heads are beginning to spin.  From “Personhood” to same-gender marriage to >gulp< anti-masturbation laws (I kid you not) to healthcare to Creationism as a school course to God only knows what else, we have to begin to wonder exactly what track we are on as a nation.  Whatever track it is, we are definitely heading over a cliff.

In many states, we see bills being introduced to define what a “person” is… where does personhood” start?  In Virginia, a bill was introduced that would force a woman to be physically invaded with an ultra-sound probe before she can have an abortion (the invasion part is now off the table after the people of Virginia protested this as a form of rape endorsed by the state, which IT IS!).  In Oklahoma, SB 1433 is being argued.  This bill states that the fetus “at every stage of development (has) all the rights, privileges, and immunities available to other persons, citizens, and residents of this state” (I’d like to see a zygote try and vote….).  An amendment attached to the bill by Democratic State Senator Constance Johnson added that all forms of sexual activity “in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child.” >embarrassing groan< The amendment eventually failed.  Don’t be surprised.   The Oklahoma legislature has a total of 20 women serving its citizens, so men are the ones making and passing laws.  Men seem to have an issue when you try to pass laws about their bodies but they have no problem intruding on a woman’s rights and body.  The south and mid-south legislatures are definitely filled with misogynistic nozzleheads (honestly, these guys are the poster children for why abortion SHOULD be kept safe and legal).  Anyway, if the original bill passes it will outlaw most forms of female contraception and all abortions (sorry, ladies, but you must carry your rapists child to term and if the “personhood” inside you is about to take your life… well, you are out of luck.  Have fun in Heaven – you are now a martyr).  My 16 year old is surprised they haven’t added that a woman’s cycle should be considered mass murder.  After all, he says sarcastically, an egg is an egg is a “person” and when it “comes running down the chute” to be discharged without fertilization, well, that’s murder… you know where his mind is going so let’s stop there.  This is how ridiculous the “personhood” argument has become.  I have two very intuitive and freethinking 16 year olds who share my “uncommon sense” and my sardonic tongue.  Thank God.  I do find it ironic that we care so SOOOO much about a fetus but once that kid is born it’s on it’s own.  We don’t want to ensure it has healthcare and we don’t want to protect it’s choices or it’s ability to peruse happiness in it’s own way without imposing laws on it’s body and it’s lifestyle.  Hell, we don’t even want to leave a planet where it can breathe fresh, clean air and eat and drink healthy food and water (attacks on the EPA and global warming are running rampant this year, too).  I could go on a rant here, but let’s move on to see what other wedgie we should be plucking from our political butt cheeks…

We have 11 states (Missouri, Iowa, Oklahoma, Florida, Indiana, New Hampshire, Maryland, Alabama, New Mexico, South Carolina, and Michigan) where bills are being introduced (or were attempted to be introduced) to make “intelligent design” an actual course in K-12 schools (some including college).  Sorry, I always thought that church is where you should be learning about God, not in school.  In school, which God are we going to accept anyway?  The Muslim God?  The Jewish God?  The Baptist God?  The Methodist God?  The Unitarian God?  The Catholic God?  The Eastern Orthodox God?  Each religion proclaims its God is superior to everyone else’s and is the only “true God” (I actually own a bumper sticker that says “My God’s Better Than Your God!”).  So exactly which God and/or religious catechism are we going to accept and enforce in our schools?  Should a town where the Unitarian population is high be forced to teach a Christian principle in it’s schools that is endorsed by a predominately Catholic state?  It’s time to think AND reason.  Isn't passing a law such as “intelligent design” a slippery slope to creating a state and then a national religion?  It surely is.  Uncommon sense prevails. Your God could be on the chopping block. Sorry.

In Maryland, Iowa, New Jersey and New Hampshire, we are spending money and precious time to try and repeal laws that have been passed to be inclusive of same-gender marriage (My turn to be tongue in cheek:  I hate the term same-sex marriage because once you are married, well, it’s the same sex all the time.  Same-gender is a much more appropriate term).  Yes, this is surely where our time and energy should be spent… taking away what should be a right for all Americans so that they can have “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”  Folks, if you are concerned about what happens in your neighbor’s bedroom then you are the perverts - not your neighbor.  Get over your own perversion and preseveration of other people’s genitalia and what they do with it.  Seriously.  IT’S GROSS.

We have states that have filed lawsuits because of “Obamacare”  as well as trying to institute state laws to over ride it.   I use to hate the term “Obamacare” but now I have come to embrace it, because, let’s face it, at least Obama DOES care about the health of our citizens, unlike those that can’t get their collective heads out of their butts long enough to understand it’s value to our nation.  That aside, the law has passed, it doesn’t infringe on anyone’s rights any more than being “forced” to have automobile insurance does.  And using my uncommon sense approach to things, isn’t it more important to insure your body than your car?  After all, if you are dead you sure as hell aren’t going to be driving.  If you are sick and unable to work you aren’t contributing to the financial stability of our nation.  Why are we wasting taxpayer money to take away something we should all have in the first place?  Couldn’t the wasted dollars be spent to make sure our citizen’s enjoy good health?

As I pour over a few dozen more ridiculous and absurd bills and lawsuits by a variety of different states, I have to wonder how any of these wedge issues actually affects our nation and grows our economy?  Let’s take a look from that angle.

Allowing same-gender marriage actually props up our economy.  Married couples are taxed more.  Committed couples in a marriage are more inclined to purchase houses together (and all that goes in them!) along with other big ticket items like cars, timeshares, stocks, bonds, etc because they are secure in their relationship. Security increases spending.  Spending increases job security.  Job security increases wealth of individuals, cities, states and the nation.  Simple truth.  If you don’t believe in same-gender marriage don’t marry someone of the same gender.  Plain and simple.  And if you think your straight marriage is doomed because two guys get married, perhaps it’s more doomed because you are a closet case or you are so bad in bed that you're driving your spouse to “play for the other team” (more tongue in cheek humor, sorry).  See a therapist.  They can help you.

Teaching “creationism” doesn’t do a thing for us fiscally.  No brainer.  Imposing God on citizens actually creates an atmosphere of fear.  Fear creates uprisings.  Uprisings create war.  War creates dead people.  Dead people create…. Ummm.  Well in a few million years they will create oil.  That’s a long time to wait for any fiscal benefits, isn’t it?

“Personhood” laws don’t create anything except a mess.  A zygote doesn’t contribute to anything other than an already overpopulated planet once it is born.  No, I do not advocate abortion.  While I am very much pro-choice I am also very much anti-abortion.  It’s not my body, it’s not my choice and I am sure it is not one that most women enter into lightly and without forethought and her own misgivings.  Instead of condemning a woman and her choice, I pray for them to have peace because it is a tough decision to make.  To me, it is akin to helping my mother pull the plug on my father some 17 years ago.  It’s an awful decision to have to make but there are circumstances that force your hand – and it’s not MY right to determine what is right or wrong for another human being.  I’m smart enough to realize that I cannot inflict my spiritual beliefs on another person because I don’t want them passing laws against my own.

And finally, the attempted repeal of “Obamacare” doesn’t help our economy.  It is wasted money.  In fact, healthcare laws HELP the economy.  No more monetary defaults on doctor and hospital bills by those too sick and unable to get coverage, too poor (God bless them) to purchase insurance, or too lazy to buy insurance (get over the damn ‘Superman Complex” – at some point you WILL get sick, dummy).  These defaults actually raise the cost of coverage and treatment.  Someone HAS to pay the bill and it trickles down to the consumer who owns insurance.  That’s fair to whom exactly?  I don’t want to pay the bill that you defaulted on so get your hand out of my pocket, dammit.  Uncommon sense again:  If everyone is covered, costs go down, job creation goes up because people are able to actually see a doctor and receive treatments that help them return to work.  Our nation is physically, mentally and emotionally healthy which in turn puts more people to work because they are able bodied.  Is “Obamacare” perfect?  No.  But then NONE of our laws are, are they?  Just look at our gun laws…Ok, that’s a rant for another day.

It’s time to get past the wedge issues we have and focus on those things that are inclusive of a healthy nation:  Job creation, economic stability, caring about our neighbors health and well being.  If we are going to continue an assault on personal decision-making, subcultures and religious beliefs then we are going nowhere but backwards.  And we all know what is behind us: our butts.  Pick the wedgie, folks.  It will make us all feel a lot better.